Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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