I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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