Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
