Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
