I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
