we're blogging at a bar
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
