party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize