Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Drake has all the answers
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
