At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize