I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
