just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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