Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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