I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
