I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
