My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
