I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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