party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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