It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
