he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
