I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
