She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
