"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
