Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
