i think my mom watched the whole time
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
