a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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