yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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