you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
