got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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