the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
