He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
