"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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