Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
