$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
