Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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