i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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