First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
