Please, let me fuck your mom
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
