am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
