So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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