he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
