Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
