I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
