operation harelip BJ is a go
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're a waste of cheezeits
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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