I have demons in me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
