you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
