She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
