My girlfriend figured out who you are.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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