I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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