It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
