i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
