made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
