remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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