please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
