just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
