Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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