Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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