So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
