sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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