That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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