I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
