im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
