I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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