ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
