I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
