Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
