I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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