pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's never too late to be topless.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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