what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
