Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
