Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I understand Curling. That high.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
