Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
