he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
