Define "chronic" masturbator.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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