the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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