highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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