Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
