U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need to align my fucking chakras
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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