Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You smell like stripper and shame
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
