I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
