you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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