I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
