He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
