The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Randomize
