She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
